Writing Is Hard, Volume II.

Location:  Koh Tao Thailand.  Where I think I've been since June 12th.  And before, that, I was in Koh Samui, from June 9th- June 12th.  

Date This Post Was Actually Written, Despite The Post Date:  June 20th

At the title of this little entry I can hear Sheila saying…”Back to this ole song and dance, are we Meade?”

We are Sheila.  We are friends.  Please excuse me for I’ve been lazy and negligent and it has been many, many days since my last blog post.

My excuse?  Well, we’ve already been over that writing is hard but really, I’ve been busy.  Let me rephrase.  I’ve been “busy”.  I am using the “ “ because this is not weeping at my desk, body rigid with fear as my hopes and dreams rest on the shoulders of a celebrity that I, despite substantial non-personal payment, have zero control of which is at direct odds with an investment of millions of dollars.  I have exceptional experience with that type of busy.  This is definitely not it.

This kind of busy requires only needing to set an alarm to make the 7AM morning dive boat.  I’ve been diving a bit, reading books I never thought I would have time to and thinking about going on hikes.  Please note, I’m still in the cerebral planning phase of these hikes.  I’ve acquired a map and asked a few questions about difficulty.  I’ve yet to pull the trigger.  But, I think it could happen soon.    Maybe.

Fact is, I don’t have to be anywhere until July 2nd.   It’s June 20th, when I'm writing this.  I’m like the character on SNL yelling that she is fifty while flinging a leg in the air.  That is how free this feels, with the added bonus that I am, in fact, not fiiiiiiiiifty.

So, I can choose to discover temples, go on a food tour or simply… do nothing.  Presently, I’m taking the path of least resistance.  And why not!?  It’s not like I have a job to get to. 

But, for the sake of continuity – weren’t you just in knots not being able to keep up with me  (I’m talking to the three of you who read this thing, BTW)  - below is a list of things I’ve accomplished since my last post, leaving Malaysia’s Lankayan Island:

1)   I went back to Kuala Lumpur.  I learned a lot on this return trip, which I will go into finer detail in a later post.  For now, I’ll say that I got a little crazy with the shopping in Central Market, after which I went on a food tour.  On the food tour, I found myself in a group of US and Australian government types living in KL (as the locals call it).  There was a lot of discourse about how KL looks Western but one doesn’t have to dig very deep to realize that yes, they are in SEA.   And of course, the government is fully corrupt.  More to come on KL.  But, I will say as a visitor, you can ignore these truths and focus on the fact that the surface wants you to feel you are in the Western world, that you should be shopping at Prada, indicated by the elite stores at every mall and that after you are dripping in designer duds, you should eat great food, get a bang trim, your nails polished and your laundry did.  I can say I did all of these things minus the designer dud drip.  Win some, lose some.

2)    I told myself to simmer the hell down.  You know, traveling like this creates a feeling that you need to go everywhere and see everything before you go home.  But, that’s impossible.  Have you seen a map??  So I told my thoughts about the Philippines, Malaysia’s Georgetown and Indonesia’s Java to sit down and simmer down.  So I did this because simply, I wanted to spend some fun loving time with a friend.  So, I went back to the Thai islands where I began a new adventure to meet Cabe.  Whoo!

3)   On Koh Samui, Cabe and I unintentionally found ourselves in Koh Samui's red light district.  It was not very subtle.

4) Back on Koh Tao, I was sleeping in the same beach hut I was living in in April.  Here, I got my deep diving specialization.  40 meters!  131 feet!  Glug!

Bye bye, Koh Samui!  In two hours, this ferry will be in Koh Tao.

Bye bye, Koh Samui!  In two hours, this ferry will be in Koh Tao.

4)   I then got my rescue diver certification.  What does this mean to you?  That I’ll save you, duh.   So, if you stop breathing I can give you mouth to mouth, mouth to nose or mouth to snorkel rescue breaths as I am dragging you from the ocean floor to the dive boat.  Then I can hoist you up a ladder by making my body into a chair (which quite frankly feels like a cross fit move) and there I am able to perform CPR, treat you for shock and tend to your wounds.  Boom.  You never knew (really, you never knew) I could keep you so safe. 

Everything I know about CPR, I learned from Annie here.  Still feel safe?

Everything I know about CPR, I learned from Annie here.  Still feel safe?

5)   I’ve boogied to non-English speaking lip singing ladies.  There is something about someone fake singing to a song that they can’t understand that is seriously hysterical.  Like, they are in the middle of all these patrons, right?  The focus is on them.  And yet, they don’t know the words of that Pussycat Dolls song from eight years ago.  Just to note, the internet, while spotty, can be found here in Koh Tao.

A side note.  About faux anatomy:  Here, at the Queen’s Cabaret in Koh Tao, I also watched a lady do high kicks and spins.  And by watched I mean developed man-like tunnel vision in respect to her new looking breasts.  And you know what?  They were a solid dance partner.  I mean that literally.  Not a jiggle, not a movement, not a rustle.  Those girls stayed PUT.  It was creepy.  If you put a woman on stage with a real bust line and told her to dance about, do ninja kicks and throw some jazz hands in the routine for good measure… things would be anything but cute.  But these ladies, these ladies are cute.  See below.  Cabe thought so too.

Hey girl, hey.

Hey girl, hey.

6)   I am embarrassed to admit it, but I read that complimentary book to the 50 Shades of Grey series.  It is called simply Grey and it is meant to be a book from Christian Grey’s POV when he meets Ana.  It’s horrendous.  Really it is just the first few chapters of 50 Shades with pronouns swapped.  I am less smart for reading it.  Don’t do it.  It just isn’t worth it.  Save yourself. 

7)   I’ve started to pretend that I work out, by doing 30 squats before I go to bed each night. 

8)   I majorly cut up my leg.  Diving and my fins are to blame for 20% of it.  Misjudging the walkway between my cottage and my neighbor’s, who was having a gathering, is to blame for the rest.  In any case, I bought some “Thai Neosporin” and I just realized this antibacterial cream is actually a steroid that web MD says can cause kidney problems and should be followed with strict doctor instructions.  Notably, I bought this in a moment where there were no words exchanged between me and a young Thai girl wearing curlers and listening to nelly Furtado.  She slid it down the counter.   I didn’t read the packaging.  Paid her.  Left.  And am now learning my lesson.  But seriously, isn’t Neosporin pretty universal?  I guess I have my answer.  That answer is no.

9)   I’ve discovered a laundry detergent that comes in solid, strip form.  Like a Listerine strip.  For a traveler, this is the most amazing invention.  It’s light, it won’t leak, I can carry a lot of it.  As a lady that takes particular delight in having clean belongings at all times, this is great.

So, that’s it.  That's all I have.  This is all that has occurred in two weeks or so since I last post.  A bit pitiful.  But, remember, I can give you mouth to nose CPR now.  That counts for something.  Right?